Friday, December 9, 2011
One of those days...
Today has been just one of those days. I had to peel myself out of bed, muster up as much patience as I could with the girls, had NO motivation to unpack anything and the house is a mess. I feel like I have lost all motivation to finish unpacking. I hope that a burst of energy comes to me sometime soon so I can get everything done and somehow relax for Christmas and be ready for the baby. I feel like the whole baby thing is not real and that it is not going to happen. So, when I think about when the due date is and how NOT prepared I am, it scares me. I haven't even thought of names, there really is no such thing as a nursery at this point and I don't even know where the newborn baby clothes are located. I feel like I have been on auto pilot since we got here and have been going through the motions. No meltdown really... until today. Abe got home from work and I became an emotional wreck. I really want to feel like I live here, but I don't feel like it yet. I am starting to feel more comfortable being an "outcast" and not being able to communicate very well since I don't speak German, but maybe it's wearing on me? Or maybe I am just really pregnant and hormonal? Abe and I went to a US military Christmas party tonight and unfortunately I didn't enjoy it at all. I did know a couple girls that I just recently met, but I did not feel comfortable there or feel like I fit in. Everyone knew each other. It just made me feel more lonely and miss my friends and family. It probably didn't help either that we were told that it was business casual and of course that's what we dressed in. When we showed up, everyone was in prom dresses and I was hands down the most casual sore thumb there. Enough of my venting. I'm sure that things will continue to get better and I have to remember that.
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3 comments:
You are right, it's probably just "one of those days" and I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. I look at your blog and think how lucky you are to be experiencing this in your life. It's definitely going to take awhile to feel like you fit in, but you eventually will and then I bet you'll totally embrace and love it!!! Seriously, I'm jealous!
Oh man, this could've been written by me a few months ago. I so know how you feel (except you have it harder because of the language barrier)! I think I cried every time I talked to my mom or sisters on the web cam for the first 3 months we were here. And I would always spelling out how much I "h-a-t-e-d" it because I didn't want the kids to know what a hard time I was having. I'm sure it was just a bad day, once we were (FINALLY) all settled in, I started to feel some normalcy again. And when you do and your new baby is old enough you should come to London!!
Hang in there Nicole! I can't imagine how homesick you must feel sometimes... but you always have your awesome family and your sweet little baby on the way - and maybe you're having a boy and don't need to find all those newborn baby girl clothes anyway :) Love you!
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