Cripple

That describes one of the many things I feel right now. I have been training for a half marathon the past couple of months and I have started having back problems. The last time I trained for a half, I also had back problems, but they ended up going away. I do remember that my back got quite painful, so I tried to be preventative and have been going to PT and stretching my legs and back better. I also went to the doctor and got checked and made sure it was ok to continue running. Almost two weeks ago on a Thursday, I ran 10 miles and it got me pumped up about the race. Mentally, I needed that run to show myself that I can indeed run the half. I felt great afterwards but the next day I sat in the car for about 8 hours on our drive to Switzerland since Abe's parents were visiting. The rest of our trip, my back was shot. I had back spasms when I woke up, needed help out of bed and it hurt all the time. I couldn't even sleep and found myself in pain all night. I couldn't physically turn side to side. The pain was too much and I had to manually move my hips with my hands. Luckily I survived the 8 hour car ride back home and the next day was the same. I could still walk at this point though. By Wednesday, the pain was even worse and I could barely hobble around. I decided to see the doctor on base to get an X-ray and examination. X-ray was normal (only shows bones) and the doctor gave me Percocet, Valium and some other pain meds. These drugs didn't really do anything for me. However I did sleep through the night for the first time in a week due to the meds. Thursday morning I couldn't move. I ended up calling the doctor to make sure he thought I was ok. It was almost noon and I still hadnt been able to get up and go to the bathroom. He advised to take another Percocet and have Abe try and help me get to the bathroom. Abe helped me and we got a handful of feet while I was in total agony. All of a sudden, my back gave out and it felt like sharp knives cutting through it. I had no other choice but to fall to the ground. The pain I felt while lying on the ground was the worst pain imaginable. I would have rather given birth to 5 babies at the same time naturally than that pain. my body was also shaking uncontrollably. Abe called the ambulance and it felt like an eternity before they arrived. Abe says that when they walked in, they said, "on a scale of..." and I yelled out "TEN!", before they even had a chance to finish. I remember them putting my IV in and telling me the drugs would make me really sleepy. I didn't care. ANYTHING to take me out of that pain. The pain meds they gave through my IV knocked me out. I have no recollection of them getting me on a stretcher, down the stairs, the ambulance ride, etc.


the next thing I remember was trying to make sense of different faces I was seeing and finally saw Abe's face. I didn't know where I was, but was at the hospital. The drugs started wearing off and I remember feeling desperate for pain relief again. It was probably around 3 and I still hadn't gone to the bathroom. They wouldn't give me a catheter and insisted I use a bed pan. Two nurses came to my sides and practically pulled my butt up and it landed on the bedpan. Pretty sure I screamed. Worst pain imaginable! Thanks Germans for being so gentle! I couldn't even move my toes without my back completely hurting. They didn't give me an MRI that day because they wanted to make sure I was still in pain the next day. Give me a break! The next morning they gave me an MRI and it showed I have a herniated disc. The doctor also said I have scoliosis to the left side. He thought I should make sure my legs are the same length, because they could contribute to my scoliosis and back problems most likely due to running.

Anyway, the next couple of days I couldn't move much. The bed pain was horrible and I had to rely on the nurses to pull my pants down, turn me onto the bed pan, wipe my butt, etc. it was complete misery. Luckily Abe's parents were still in town, so Abe was able to come help me a little bit. One night while he was helping me onto the bed pan, he started cracking jokes and making me laugh. I was laughing so hard I was also crying in pain at the same time. I told him he was fired from helping me if he did that again ;). After a couple of days I was able to sit up. That was wonderful because I could finally go to the bathroom on a portable chair/potty and then graduate into transferring from the wheel chair to the toilet. All my nurses have spoken fairly good English except for one, and we got along just fine. One of my nurses drives me a little crazy though. She is very pushy and well, German. She forces me to do things and isn't the warmest person. The other day, since I could sit in the chair, I insisted on taking a shower. They had stripped me down in the mornings and gave me a sponge bath (that was fun), but my hair was super super greasy and I felt gross. I LOOKED gross. She promised me about 3 times that day that she would help me shower. Every time I reminded her she "didn't have time". I ended up demanding that she wheel me into the shower and I could wash myself and just let her know when I was done. I'm glad I grew a backbone, because I felt so good afterwards. The other nurses even commented, "your hair looks nice!". Today I finally walked a bit for the first time and worked with the physical therapist.

The entire time I've been here, my dad kept telling me that oral steroids do wonders for a herniated disc. I asked the doctor about it and he was very firm that they don't do them. They were going to do a steroid injection into my back today guided by a CT scan. After talking to a handful of people, including my friends husband who is a neurosurgeon, I decided it would be best to decline the injection. There are too many risks and I am getting better everyday and at this point, don't need surgery. The doctor that I have been dealing with and am not fond of, came to discuss it with me today. The head neurosurgeon came with him. The cultural differences are a lot different here in the hospital. Like my liaison person from base said, "the doctors are like god here. They tell you what is going to happen and there are no questions asked". That has been really frustrating for me here. That combined with a language barrier, creates an emotional situation. I luckily had the liaison guy come today to help me out with my meeting with these two docs. They explained the procedure and then I told them I wasn't comfortable with it. I mentioned I may want to get home and get oral steroids from base. Surprisingly, the head doc seemed ok with it, while the other one opposed. I thought it was neat because the head neurosurgeon came and visited me again tonight. He was super friendly and wanted to see pictures of my kids, asked if I was Mormon since I am from Utah and had a genuine conversation with me. He also told me that since my progress is so good, he actually thinks I made the right decision to not get the injection. So, the plan is to go home tomorrow after physical therapy. Abe can get me oral steroids on base that I can start asking and I just have to take it easy. It will take a bit for me to recover. Crazy that I will have been in the hospital for about 5 days.

I have been an emotional wreck all week. I felt bad about ruining Dale and Margie's trip (they left yesterday), was in so much pain, hated that I couldn't do anything for myself and have been frustrated. I missed my kids, my husband and am heartbroken about dropping out of the Prague half marathon in 1.5 weeks. I have realized how much I won't take my back for granted. Though far away from family and in another Country, I have been overwhelmed with the support we have had. Friends are helping watch our kids, our church has set up meals, I've had more visitors at the hospital than I can count at the moment. It is a blessing, because these have been some of my darkest hours. One friend brought me breakfast and dinner for several days so I didn't have to eat the disgusting Food they serve you here. She rubbed my feet, braided my greasy hair and I was given candy, books, etc by friends to keep me entertained. My heart is extremely full and I am so very grateful for everything.